When I started this prose introspection into my life and why I am where I am in life, I really wasn’t sure what it would develop into. I thought I would write some words get bored, and find something else to pontificate on or just stop. But I haven’t … because I write every day now.
So now … I am exploring what it means to be me. So while I don’t really know anything anymore here are some I hope to be true about me.
I am very comfortable saying no. Just no.
I am completely enjoying a life style that allows me to explore and adventure.
I like me.
There are things about me I would like to see change. And I still like me.
I love how my body feels now that I am treating it better.
Fun and funny are the best!!!! Want more of that in my life.
I am cool being who I am right now.
So now I am a who I am today. I want today to be different that yesterday and I desire that tomorrow I am different today. I wake up early without an alarm. I take time to get right with me before I start the day.
I struggle, I make mistakes, the Bull-Dozer gets fired up sometimes. I jump into the cesspool of the things I used to let run rampant through my brain. I get angry, frustrated, cry, yell, and want to quit sometimes. Who doesn’t?
I also smell more flowers, marvel at the beauty of a rising sun, and run my dogs belly much more. I put a tent, sleeping bag, and a ‘go bag’ for me and my dog in the truck around April and it stays there until October (you never know when an emergency camping trip might happen).
I have much less stuff, but the stuff I do have supports my desired lifestyle.
When I jump into the cesspool of self-talk, I seem to recognize it sooner and I take steps to derail that train immediately.
When I get angry, I accept that anger is part of being me. Part of being me that I don’t controlling my decisions or behavior, but still part of me.
I don’t seem to get as often as I used to. But when I do get frustrated, I can identify the source and either let it go. Either I have control so I can make a different choice, or I don’t have control so … ptttp!
When the tears well up I have only one choice now…. Let ‘em flow! Let ‘em flow.
I still raise my voice. Unfortunately!
I still want to quit. But I don’t. The next minute, hour, day, or week is just one more opportunity to be more like I want to be.
So where am I now? I don’t know how to put it all into words. But I am content, finding peace, enjoying the journey, and excited to continue to explore and adventure. So… if I had to choose one word … I am Me.