Feed what you desire!
Once I was clear on how I had been treating myself and other people I decided that should change and as I have shared in the past, the first methods I tried to force change, failed miserably.
I would love to be able to say that I jumped right from pushing and forcing my way through things. But, well, again I am not quick on the uptake. So I stumbled, bumbled, and generally struggled trying to find my way.
One day I decided I was going to quit smoking (again). I picked a day that was going to be my last day as a smoker, and went about my life. I really didn’t think much more about quitting other than when I had a cigarette I reminded myself of the count down. I would say to myself, ‘Three more weeks and I will be a non-smoker.’
That’s words I used with myself. Not ‘I am going to quit or stop smoking’ just at a certain point in time I was going to have a different behavior. Looking back, I recognize that I didn’t judge, condemn, or berate myself for still smoking I just reminded myself I was going to be a non-smoker on a specific date.
The day arrived, I woke that morning to a reminder on my cell phone that read ‘Today you are a non-smoker! Congratulations!’ I got out of bed and went about my normal routine. I make coffee, I did some cleaning, ate breakfast, then went out and mowed the lawn. So far things had gone very smoothly, no internal struggle with cravings or anything.
I finished the lawn, fired up the line trimmer and cleaned the fence line and around the raised bed gardens. Still things were going well.
It was a beautiful summer day in Western Washington, the sun was out and it was about 80 degrees. I put in some head phones, got a cold IPA from the fridge and sat in the sunshine. And, then and there I wanted a cigarette.
Purposefully, I thought ‘I am a non-smoker now’, stood up and walked around the block without smoking a cigarette.
That wasn’t the last time I thought about smoking a cigarette. Each time I reminded myself that I was a non-smoker and then I redirected myself. Sometimes, with a walk, other times it was doing a chore that needed finished. But each time I reminded myself who I was and moved on. I didn’t obsess, fixate, or worry about the desires, I gave them no power, I acknowledged them and let them be.
That’s what I learned about myself. I learned that I didn’t need to push and force myself. I found what worked for me, what worked for me was simply focusing only on what was going to be. Not focusing on stopping a behavior or habit, but focusing on building up the new.
I learned to feed the things I wanted to be; to help them grow and get stronger. Giving energy to the things I want helps them grow. Giving energy (even negative energy) to things I want to stop only makes those things stronger.
I chose to feed what I truly desire.