Living to Work
The ten years following my sister’s death I was just going through the motions. I worked, drank, slept, then repeated daily. I ate fast food every day and spent all my time outside of work watching television or on the computer. I was not exactly a paragon of focus and productivity.
Slowing during that time I became aware that I was better than how I was living. I began to cut back on my drinking, and I focused on developing my skill set.
I began to spend all my time outside of “work” time reading about management, leadership, sales, and all the other normal business focuses. I sought out and make friends only with people who were business professionals.
I had created the perfect American Dream; I had a job that paid six figures, a house, two cars, a vacation place, and I went on vacation.
I worked at my job and was very good at it. I worked on my house, and it looked great. I could work on any aspect of my life and make it look good.
Over the course of a few years I had transformed my life … unfortunately I had transformed it into a life of a person who how had only one purpose, to work. I worked all the time on everything, on being better at things, on doing less of some things, and on doing more of other things. I worked at having hobbies that fit, worked at having the right clothes, and the right image.
I was existing to work … and while at the time I would tell anyone who would listen I was happy and content … I was a miserable WRECK!
I was frustrated and angry. Frustrated that all the stuff that was supposed to make life better made it worse. Angry that no matter how hard I worked nothing seemed to change. I was just a miserable pile in a different situation.
So, I worked at religion. Going to Church, volunteering, learning the Bible, and everything. I worked very hard at religion, so hard that I was asked to be a leader in our church. I was in my mid-thirties and I was an Elder in my Church leading people, teaching people, and still I was miserable.
Then, I thought that I didn’t take any time for myself. So I grabbed something I liked to do, playing video games, and I worked at that. I started playing on-line games. Soon enough I was good at those as well, I was working four hours a night on them. I was still miserable so … I added increased alcohol into the mix.
After ten years of living to work. Work on a job, house, image, hobbies, religion, and anything else I could get my hands on I was still miserable. I was a pathetic miserable wreck that spread that miserableness everywhere with everyone.
I didn’t like being around me, and neither did anyone else including my wife, children, ‘friends’, siblings, and parents.
My dog still liked me, but that was about it.
So after a decade of living to work, I had effectively destroyed all those things I was working on and for, I failed to make my life WORK.