So far I have basically recited a couple short conversations. Nothing profound, nothing Earth shattering.
But here comes the point.
Well honestly a couple of not so earth shattering points. Those points completely changed my entire life. But then, I am slow on the up-take.
First, truths are often not Earth shattering. They only shatter the paradigms through which we view the world.
Second, my truths and yours may not be the same truths. Truths are at their core constructed on things we believe, so unless everything I believe is exactly the same as what you believe it is impossible for our truths to be exactly the same.
Truth is a tricky word. Tricky because is relies on perspective.
Since words mean things, a common frame work to explore thoughts and ideas would be a terrific thing. Luckily we do have words, unfortunately my understanding of those words and your understanding are not the same.
The first point. My paradigm was shattered by a truth in my life that these conversations illuminate.
As I look back on these conversations I realize that somehow over time I shifted from a living to work, to a working to live mentality. I had become a person that would do things I loved and trust my heart and my soul to guide my life on the path that I need to be a healthy, happy, contented, and complete person.
The second point, again without a real clear understanding of how it became real, I know that what represents truth for me is not the same for other people; most importantly that is completely ok. It is more than ok, it is FANTASTIC. That beautiful, it is all those unique individuals that when woven together create the varied and unique tapestry that make life amazing.
I wish I could say that these paradigm shifts were the result of a purposeful journey of soul searching, meditation, and peace. But I can’t … These shifts were born out of chaos and destruction. Most of the chaos and destruction created and caused by me.
I wish I could say that I walked on a beach in Costa Rica, spent a week alone in the mountains, or went on a retreat and came back clear of mind, with contentment in my soul. But I can’t … Looking back this shift took me about twenty-five years to experience. (I did say that I am slow on the uptake … remember.)
My journey started on an April morning in 1991 when I was told that my eighteen-year-old sister had been killed in a car wreck when a woman crossed the center line and hit the vehicle she was riding in head on. It continued on, over the next twenty-five years, over hills and heights, down into valleys and pits of despair and self-destructive behavior. Through years of living with my only friend being the closest bottle I could find, the only emotion I could feel and express being anger, and watching myself time and time again completely self-destruct and destroy any and all positive relationships and situations I managed to fake my way into. That journey has brought me to this place I am now, scared, battered, bruised, but smiling. I know I am a mess, I know I am strange, and I know that is ok. The mess, it is my mess. The strange, it is part of what makes me special. Not better than anyone else, different. Not worse or less valuable than others … just that … different.
Whoever I am, whoever I become, whoever I grow into … it is enough to be.